IAmAdrianna

You have a dream about your partner leaving you and ignoring you for his friends.  It's fair I suppose. But the actually of it is totally possible. And it makes me feel sick.

I feel like every choice I make is wrong. So does that mean that I can just... Make any choice and it doesn't matter? Like the desperate need for a roommate. Moving in with my partner seems so quick but at the same time he is the perfect roommate and we could just collect all the dumb junk.  We could just start this life of nonsense and I can stop holding myself back.

Go into a two week coma.

That I would be living alone, in an apartment I cannot afford. With no job and the knowledge that once i get a job i will no longer be able to afford this apartment. I just feel like I'm still trapped in a nightmare. I'm driving myself crazy. I cried a lot yesterday and i feel like tonight is going to be no different. I cant even use this time to get ahead it's just crazy.

Not only did I just have to drop like way too much money on my brakes, yesterday my car wouldn't start. So the starter is acting up again. And i have mentally tearing myself apart because all i do is eat when I'm awake. I've gained like ten pounds. But its too fucking hot to even consider working out. And I just feel like a fucking gnat flying around and pestering everyone's lives because they feel sorry for me. Or because they want to try to involve me only to realize the regret they have made.

Call me Ted Mosby and slap me really fucking hard (but please have me take my glasses off first and don't hit my dang nose ring).

Mine for once is going well. I am able to spend time with someone who is so fun, sweet, caring, and a weirdo like me. Someone who I feel like I can not hold back and be weird as hell. I can not feel guilty for sitting around the house watching TV. We can crack stupid jokes and make each other laugh senselessly. Where has this person been this whole time? He even rinses off all the dishes when he puts them in the sink or makes my bed. Do I deserve this? Hopefully. I'm ecstatic. And I don't want to go crazy and and move too quickly but it all just feels so great, exciting and real. For once. It feels real. Really. Fucking. Good.