I've been....

Trying to work on my intuition.
I've been trying to ground myself. And I almost feel like I am back.
Sometimes I feel like I'm starting to float back. And that's scary.
Because I feel like I was surrounded in a dark mist.
Now I just feel like its a little foggy.
I'm trying to grasp anything I can about Wiccan and Paganism. But it is so hard and boring.
I don't have the attention span to keep reading. Even with music on.
It's just too dry for me.
I just want to be normal again.
I don't want to panic.
I don't want to cry.
I don't want to hate myself.
And I'm still unsure about dying but I probably shouldn't want to do that.
"Jesus Christ, I'm not scared of dying, I'm a little bit scared of what comes after. Do I get the gold chariot? Do I float through the ceiling?" ~Brand New- "Jesus"

I just want to feel hope.
I want to feel loved and happy.
I just want to be manageable.
I'm sick of being a burden to everyone and putting people in shitty positions because of a meltdown.