Performing is my therapy. I get up there and think about my performance. I think about my character, their costumes, their lines, their movements. I think of my body paining me and trying to ignore it. And not much else. This Friday I didn't think about the show one bit. I didn't think about my character or anything.. I went on stage thinking about how I just wanted to leave and how I kept messing up. I thought about my day and how crappy it went because I can't spend one day at work without crying these days. I just can't seem to do anything right. And I'm having such a hard time keeping it together. I just don't see a point to keep trying. It's not like I'm doing anything good in life. It's not like I am succeeding in anyway or like I will. I can't move out on my own or make enough money to pay my car off sooner. I can't make peoples lives better or help anyone. I can't even help myself.