When I perform....

Performing is my therapy.
I get up there and think about my performance.
I think about my character, their costumes, their lines, their movements.
I think of my body paining me and trying to ignore it.
And not much else.
This Friday I didn't think about the show one bit.
I didn't think about my character or anything..
I went on stage thinking about how I just wanted to leave and how I kept messing up.
I thought about my day and how crappy it went because I can't spend one day at work without crying these days.
I just can't seem to do anything right.
And I'm having such a hard time keeping it together.
I just don't see a point to keep trying.
It's not like I'm doing anything good in life.
It's not like I am succeeding in anyway or like I will.
I can't move out on my own or make enough money to pay my car off sooner.
I can't make peoples lives better or help anyone.
I can't even help myself.