And my problems aren't real.
I'm going to get help.
But I feel guilty every minute of every day because I don't ALWAYS feel like killing myself
But I always don't see a point in trying to live.
So it puts me in a weird spot.
What about the guy who got violent and almost assaulted a nurse over a sandwich in the ER because he is an alcoholic.
What about the lady on the side of me who was a Paranoid Schizophrenic with multiple other health issues?
There are so many people out there (Including all those in the DBT program I tried to get into.) that have it way worse than me and then they go untreated and become the guy who almost and the guy last week that DID assault a nurse..
More than likely because they never were diagnosed or treated properly because there is such a stigma about mental health.
And while that stigma exists, it doesn't stop the rest of the people trying to get help and then they are just so clogged up and full of mentally ill people that I am not even sure every get the proper diagnosis so they live their whole life addicted to things to try to "fix" what is broken.
I don't want to be that.
That is fucking terrifying to me.
But I still feel guilty that I took a spot of someone who probably needed it more than me.
And I don't think that will ever change.
I'm going to get help.
But I feel guilty every minute of every day because I don't ALWAYS feel like killing myself
But I always don't see a point in trying to live.
So it puts me in a weird spot.
What about the guy who got violent and almost assaulted a nurse over a sandwich in the ER because he is an alcoholic.
What about the lady on the side of me who was a Paranoid Schizophrenic with multiple other health issues?
There are so many people out there (Including all those in the DBT program I tried to get into.) that have it way worse than me and then they go untreated and become the guy who almost and the guy last week that DID assault a nurse..
More than likely because they never were diagnosed or treated properly because there is such a stigma about mental health.
And while that stigma exists, it doesn't stop the rest of the people trying to get help and then they are just so clogged up and full of mentally ill people that I am not even sure every get the proper diagnosis so they live their whole life addicted to things to try to "fix" what is broken.
I don't want to be that.
That is fucking terrifying to me.
But I still feel guilty that I took a spot of someone who probably needed it more than me.
And I don't think that will ever change.
Hey. Your problems are that you’re depressed, your life is super stressful, and you don’t want to be alive. That’s real. Even if you don’t feel that 24/7, even feeling that at all is real and valid. You need this too and you deserve it just as much as people who get violent or have schizophrenia or whatever. You are suicidal. That is just as serious.
ReplyDeleteI understand why you feel the way you do and I know I’m not going to talk you out of it, but for the record, you deserve this help and I’m glad you’re getting it. Continuously super proud of you and grateful for every day that you’re still alive.
C