How am I supposed to function like a human being?
I don't fit in anywhere because I'm too safe or not safe enough.
I'm not worth it because I'm tired all the time.
Or because my knees, my ankles, my hands hurt.
I'm nothing because all I see is people getting special treatment and using their kids to "PUT THEIR KIDS FIRST"
But at the same time is it really the "right" thing to do to put kids in this horrible world? Someone like me who looses my costume pieces, punches the table and then has a fucked up knuckle for a few weeks?
How is being selfish, trying to make a little carbon copy of yourself to be "proud" of a reason for you to be more fulfilled than I?
I'm just so sick of EVERYONE "Oh you'll change your mind someday."
No someday I will grow the balls to just kill myself and not deal with it anyway.
Since I don't get any slack cut to me.
I didn't get a cat shower when I got a cat and I won't when I get a new one.
I don't get to stay home from life because my child has a cold.
I don't get to leave early because my child did something at school.
I don't get to leave early when I am 1 hour of sleep in because I was puking all night from bad food.
I don't get to leave early when my knees are swollen to soft balls.
Hell I don't get to leave my job when I end my shift.
It isn't just work. Its EVERYWHERE.
I am not less than you and if I am broken and tired that should be okay and I should be able to sit on the couch and not be called lazy.
I should be able to say "I didn't sleep last night and now I don't feel good" and have people not roll their eyes because a child wasn't the one who kept me awake.
But I must be a horrible person because I don't want to have kids and I would rather just die.
I don't fit in anywhere because I'm too safe or not safe enough.
I'm not worth it because I'm tired all the time.
Or because my knees, my ankles, my hands hurt.
I'm nothing because all I see is people getting special treatment and using their kids to "PUT THEIR KIDS FIRST"
But at the same time is it really the "right" thing to do to put kids in this horrible world? Someone like me who looses my costume pieces, punches the table and then has a fucked up knuckle for a few weeks?
How is being selfish, trying to make a little carbon copy of yourself to be "proud" of a reason for you to be more fulfilled than I?
I'm just so sick of EVERYONE "Oh you'll change your mind someday."
No someday I will grow the balls to just kill myself and not deal with it anyway.
Since I don't get any slack cut to me.
I didn't get a cat shower when I got a cat and I won't when I get a new one.
I don't get to stay home from life because my child has a cold.
I don't get to leave early because my child did something at school.
I don't get to leave early when I am 1 hour of sleep in because I was puking all night from bad food.
I don't get to leave early when my knees are swollen to soft balls.
Hell I don't get to leave my job when I end my shift.
It isn't just work. Its EVERYWHERE.
I am not less than you and if I am broken and tired that should be okay and I should be able to sit on the couch and not be called lazy.
I should be able to say "I didn't sleep last night and now I don't feel good" and have people not roll their eyes because a child wasn't the one who kept me awake.
But I must be a horrible person because I don't want to have kids and I would rather just die.
Comments
Post a Comment