IAmAdrianna

I have been on the pill for 10 years. When we moved into our new place last February I got my period 4 days early, which was a huge deal. I got it today. I am still taking my regular weekly pills... I should be getting it next Sunday. What the hell is this shit. I must be more stressed than I know and I don't know what to do,

Why is it more common for people to engage in illegal activity or crime if they are raised or are very close to their grandparents. Is there something internally that our brain does to us to make us think that we are abandoned? That our parents parents are trying to help because they know how much they fucked up themselves?

Nothing feels better than getting a hair cut or dyeing your hair. It honestly just makes me feel like a whole new person. And especially chopping it all off. It's always a nice refresh. But then I have to deal with everyone at work. Like yes I cut my hair. Leave me alone now please. Existential crisis on if I want to be noticed or not.

I literally just was hit with the most incredible amount of exhaustion hits. I can barely hold my eyes open..

I feel like I keep to myself and I keep quiet. Because I just don't want to ever be seen as annoying, obnoxious or just too much. I feel like I have so much trouble trying to find a balance and I have never really realized it. I have never realized that when I get hyper I instantly get too hyper and just channel it by ignoring it and walking away or changing the subject. Because then some times I can't and I feel like I get so intense and I just get weird because I feel like I go from 0- 180% in a matter of seconds. And then I see one sad thing and instantly I'm down. And then I think about the sad thing for the next few days. Or lately I have been ruminating about things I am anticipating into existence. So I just go home and think about whatever stupid shit I did. Even though all I want to do is 1 of 2 things most of the time. Which is either die, or be too much that other people wish I would disappear.

A change is in order A static cesspool of garbage Never waxing, never waning Deeper and deeper I feel like my lungs are failing  Like I'm drowning in a sea of shit That I don't even know how I got myself into At the end of the day when I take a look at my life And see myself drowning and reaching out for a hand Everyone is took weak to pull me out Am I the weak one? Giving up and never holding on? I'm doing what I can, trying to stay afloat, And I am still drowning in here,  Trapped alone with myself.

I Am Sitting at my Desk. WhAt.

And I know it is on purpose. There is no way that this wasn't done on purpose. It is too coincidental. But once again keep fucking whipping me in the back because I'm not fucking worth it. Keep using me an abusing me because you know I won't say no. I should just fucking say no. And then I'm the bitch. I'm the bad person. Because I am so burnt out. I can't even make a damn doctors appointment because by the time I get out of work and go do dog walks its already like 6 o'clock. AND I'M STILL ALWAYS BROKE.

It just makes no sense to me. To be so desperate for for something and then disregard it. I feel like no matter what I say or do, it is ignored. Because I overreact. I get it. But like why tf. If I am saying something... Listen. Even if I am overreacting. Listen. Just in case. I am being passed around like a serving plate. It is bullshit. Sleeping 4 1/2 hours isn't enough. This week can go fuck itself. I want my regular life back.

I wish I was dead I wish I wasn't a coward.

Hormonal. Tired. Fuck me right? 3rd shift till this crew tests out... Fml.