I feel like I keep to myself and I keep quiet.
Because I just don't want to ever be seen as annoying, obnoxious or just too much.
I feel like I have so much trouble trying to find a balance and I have never really realized it.
I have never realized that when I get hyper I instantly get too hyper and just channel it by ignoring it and walking away or changing the subject. Because then some times I can't and I feel like I get so intense and I just get weird because I feel like I go from 0- 180% in a matter of seconds.
And then I see one sad thing and instantly I'm down. And then I think about the sad thing for the next few days.
Or lately I have been ruminating about things I am anticipating into existence.
So I just go home and think about whatever stupid shit I did.
Even though all I want to do is 1 of 2 things most of the time. Which is either die, or be too much that other people wish I would disappear.
Because I just don't want to ever be seen as annoying, obnoxious or just too much.
I feel like I have so much trouble trying to find a balance and I have never really realized it.
I have never realized that when I get hyper I instantly get too hyper and just channel it by ignoring it and walking away or changing the subject. Because then some times I can't and I feel like I get so intense and I just get weird because I feel like I go from 0- 180% in a matter of seconds.
And then I see one sad thing and instantly I'm down. And then I think about the sad thing for the next few days.
Or lately I have been ruminating about things I am anticipating into existence.
So I just go home and think about whatever stupid shit I did.
Even though all I want to do is 1 of 2 things most of the time. Which is either die, or be too much that other people wish I would disappear.
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