No I am not okay right now.
Has this been inevitable for weeks?
You betcha.
Did the career conversations thing that I do at work really hit the nail on the head and sent me spiraling?
Probably.
But not because of work. Because of me.
My own worth and value as a friend, a family member is all nothing.
I don't want to have friends anymore because at the end of the day we don't really care about anyone but ourselves.
It is hard for me to find friendship and be able to maintain a work/home balance.
And without my career I could be back at the boy's parents house.
And I won't do that again.
I'm just sad always.
I never go anywhere or do anything.
I don't see anyone or if I do its during Rocky or I have to literally drive 30-40 minutes to see anyone and I know that is the same for me so I can't even be angry about it.
I have no control over my own life.
Even my days off and vacations are always devoted to other people.
I wanted to go out and do mushrooms for my birthday with all my friends in nature.
But instead I am going to stay home because people are replaceable, people lie and in the end I don't think anyone really cares about any one but themselves.
Because I certainly know I don't want to keep surrounding myself with people who have it SO HARD and they never had to work hard a day in their lives.
I can't even get proper health help let alone deal with people dumping their problems on me, and then making me feel like my problems are stupid and ignorable or that their problems are just so insignificant it makes me want to scream.
No I am not okay.
No I don't know what I want right now.
Has this been inevitable for weeks?
You betcha.
Did the career conversations thing that I do at work really hit the nail on the head and sent me spiraling?
Probably.
But not because of work. Because of me.
My own worth and value as a friend, a family member is all nothing.
I don't want to have friends anymore because at the end of the day we don't really care about anyone but ourselves.
It is hard for me to find friendship and be able to maintain a work/home balance.
And without my career I could be back at the boy's parents house.
And I won't do that again.
I'm just sad always.
I never go anywhere or do anything.
I don't see anyone or if I do its during Rocky or I have to literally drive 30-40 minutes to see anyone and I know that is the same for me so I can't even be angry about it.
I have no control over my own life.
Even my days off and vacations are always devoted to other people.
I wanted to go out and do mushrooms for my birthday with all my friends in nature.
But instead I am going to stay home because people are replaceable, people lie and in the end I don't think anyone really cares about any one but themselves.
Because I certainly know I don't want to keep surrounding myself with people who have it SO HARD and they never had to work hard a day in their lives.
I can't even get proper health help let alone deal with people dumping their problems on me, and then making me feel like my problems are stupid and ignorable or that their problems are just so insignificant it makes me want to scream.
No I am not okay.
No I don't know what I want right now.
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