IAmAdrianna

This is my AH-HA moment. My manager talks about that all the time. I didn't think I would ever have one in life. I am fucking unbearable. I am so depressed that I just shut everyone out. I push people away. When your life flashes in front of you and you realize that you have no one it's a huge wake up call. When you need to reach out and there are no hands left to grab. My whole life I have done all that I could to make sure that I wouldn't be a statistic. Why become one now? I'm miserable, but I need to not let it rule me. I can't base my life on negative thoughts, they are just thoughts. When you want to reach out and there is no one there, eternal loneliness sets in. I have never been scared of this until now. I put off that I am this mega bitch. That I hate everyone. But I don't. I don't know how I put off that much static. I want hugs like everyone else. I want to be loved like everyone else. Don't we all deserve that? I read the first 4 chap...

They never were. And I am having a hard time thinking they ever will be. I don't have any time in my life for anything. It's work, dogs and Rocky. I don't have time, will or desire for anything else anymore. I'm just so empty. I want to have time but I just don't. I want to be happy but I feel like that is unattainable. I want things to stop fluctuating. Yesterday morning a coworker got me this DOPE sweater because she said I "Needed a Lift". And I sat there thinking I need to really appreciate the people around me who care about me. But then I got home and the one person that I just wanted to veg out with for a second was too busy for me. It is so hard when you want to be a normal cliche couple but you are both rotten and jaded so nothing is sacred. So many people challenge us and our relationship because I have a few different ideas. I don't get it. I never did. But all I want is to be held and told that I am loved because after a long day of tryi...