When you knew the train was running out of steam.

When you knew there was not steam left.
Choo Choo.
Regrets? Or being lost and scared.
I guess I learned a lot from being kicked down in the dirt.
Maybe I'm too cold.
But for the last time.
I deserve so much more than this.
And I have spent so god damn long trying to convince myself other wise.
And it is so hard because I feel like every day is such a challenge.
The universe is testing me, "Are you sure you still want to live bitch?"

And the answer is yes.
I spent so long planning and dreaming of a life that was never real.
Just like all  the weird dreams I have, just more false memories.
But now it is time to make new ones.
Oh man do I want to live. And I really want to live. I don't want to hide or beg or feel like I don't deserve anything.
I have been resilient so far.

My struggle is people.
People are too much or too little.
I spent so much time with one person who had little to no energy.
As someone who attracts energy and people it is just something that I am used to because I feel like I just yearn for human connection.

I know I deserve it.
SO BRING IT ON.