Conflicted.

I feel like I just should be alone. Because I am clearly too much for anyone to handle.
But everyone else seems to get the affection and love they deserve.
What the hell did I do to deserve this?
What did I do to deserve the lies and the chaotic disaster that is the move out.
She called him a coward, and I hope she meant it.
They are both disgusting people. In yet, they are happy as pigs in shit.
Meanwhile I am telling myself that I should just be alone because no one would ever give me the time of day.
Except at work, that is all I get is thirsty men.
Christmas is fucking killing me right now.
I just want to throw up.
I'm so alone. I miss decorating the tree and taking holiday card photos.
I miss rolling over and feeling warmth to cuddle no matter what time of night.
The "Hi how are you's" to the silly snapchats just because.
Instead I am pouring my heart into people who don't really want to do anything more than go on dates.
Wasting time with people who are just unsure of me and never would consider me seriously.
I just want to fall for someone again who will fall right back for me.
I thought I deserved it but as the time goes by it seems that maybe I don't deserve that special someone.
Opening my heart up is so easy but so difficult. Especially once it is open, because then I can't close it and things get too heavy and everyone gets scared.
Its funny, I can't commit to putting stickers on things but I can commit to a relationship. Everyone else puts those everywhere on anything. But relationships??? RUN THE FUCK AWAY.

I just want to be loved again.