It's like....

All the worst parts of life are all I have.
I know this is all not happening for me because of me and I'm selfish to even think like this.
But how the fuck can I keep surviving like this?
How is it that it's safe enough for me to go to work. But not safe enough to see anyone?
It's not safe enough to even go to the fucking doctor's.
How come I have to go into work everyday and they don't give a shit about us.
I thought moving to quality was going to be better but now I feel like we are not mitigating any risk and we are making it worse.
Part of me wants to get it.
Part of me knows I will be fine.
The other part of me just wants to give in to it. And that part is what is scaring me the most.
This is like when you stayed home from school and your mom told you "If you're too sick for school you are too sick for video games.".
I just have nothing to look forward too except the occasional seeing people.
Now fucking what.