Honestly?

I am terrified.
I am terrified that we are going to be locked down for a year. I'm not going to be able to find a job to work remotely so I will end up working somewhere high risk.
I'm even more terrified I'm just going to be alone forever.
If I can't date or go out and meet people then I am just going to be alone.
I feel like I have nothing left in my life.
Everything has been taken except the roof over my head, Everett and all the shit that I have that I actually worked my ass off for.
I don't know.
I have been ruminating about how bull shit everything is and how if I deserve all this love and happiness why do I go to bed in the fetal position every night wishing that there was someone else in my bed.
Why is that when I feel like I need a push, for someone to help keep me accountable I just have myself?
Why is it that I am the one who ended up all alone when all I did was try to do my best and it came back and bit me.
I am going to be alone forever.
I fucking miss being loved.