Being alone.
I have been chatting with someone since February and that has been a whirlwind of things.
Some amazing, some well lets just say it's a lot of bullshit for something that isn't defined anyway.
But at the end of all of it,
I'm still alone.
I feel like 75% of these dating app folks are poly or don't know what poly really is and are actually just open.
These people already have a plethora of partners.
And I can't even find one person who would actually, like be there for me all the time, not just when they have the time for you because they are busy or have a primary partner.
I just feel like everyone is so lost and I am just waiting for people to catch up.
How the FUCK do you know that you want kids but just want "something casual"?
And then I meet these people who are more headstrong than me, And I didn't even know that was possible.
But I never have that connection with those people.
I never feel like I want to push forward and just want to eventually forget each other exists.
Which is horrible, because these people have never hurt me, but I just don't want them to waste time on me.
And then I meet a new person who is a strange anxious loaf as well. And I feel like it's too good to be true. Who am I replacing? Who am I filling a void for. Why am I really in your life? But I can't ask those questions anymore.
You would think those questions would get easier to ask as time went on but they really don't.
I think the rejection gets worse and makes me more bitter and angry about it.
I just want this shenanigans to end so I can go out on dates and shit and be able to do cute things with someone for the summer and maybe be able to build up a life with someone.
I have been chatting with someone since February and that has been a whirlwind of things.
Some amazing, some well lets just say it's a lot of bullshit for something that isn't defined anyway.
But at the end of all of it,
I'm still alone.
I feel like 75% of these dating app folks are poly or don't know what poly really is and are actually just open.
These people already have a plethora of partners.
And I can't even find one person who would actually, like be there for me all the time, not just when they have the time for you because they are busy or have a primary partner.
I just feel like everyone is so lost and I am just waiting for people to catch up.
How the FUCK do you know that you want kids but just want "something casual"?
And then I meet these people who are more headstrong than me, And I didn't even know that was possible.
But I never have that connection with those people.
I never feel like I want to push forward and just want to eventually forget each other exists.
Which is horrible, because these people have never hurt me, but I just don't want them to waste time on me.
And then I meet a new person who is a strange anxious loaf as well. And I feel like it's too good to be true. Who am I replacing? Who am I filling a void for. Why am I really in your life? But I can't ask those questions anymore.
You would think those questions would get easier to ask as time went on but they really don't.
I think the rejection gets worse and makes me more bitter and angry about it.
I just want this shenanigans to end so I can go out on dates and shit and be able to do cute things with someone for the summer and maybe be able to build up a life with someone.
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