If you are quarantining with housemates, roommates, S.O's, you have no say in what other people can do.
I'm so fucking miserable.
My apartment is so empty and echoey.
I just hear Everett meowing out randomly in the 2 empty rooms.
He's all I have.
While the rest of you get to snuggle up to your loved ones when you are cold at night.
I get to snuggle myself because I am just floating through peoples lives.
Forgetable.
Erasable.
This all just feels like a bad joke.
And I did this to myself.
In my past I always said in your final moments you are the only one that you have.
You are the one who decides what you wear, or say or do.
So no one can hold a candle over you for that.
But now I am starting to see it.
As the empy void fills my chest.
We are all alone but we all can have someone.
I mean I don't, I am not that lucky.
And I really just feel like because of all of that I don't deserve anyone.
I deserve to be alone during all of this.
But I don't want to be alone anymore. I want someone to roll over to in the middle of the night for cuddles. I want someone to cook with and for, someone to laugh at all the stupid shit, someone to cry with me for all the sad shit, someone to cuddle Everett because he is just too needy sometimes.
But instead I have me and Everett and everyone telling me that I am selfish for wanting to go on a quarantine walk with someone else because the human connection is slowly fading from my life and I am becoming more content with being alone.
And that is fucking scary.
I'm so fucking miserable.
My apartment is so empty and echoey.
I just hear Everett meowing out randomly in the 2 empty rooms.
He's all I have.
While the rest of you get to snuggle up to your loved ones when you are cold at night.
I get to snuggle myself because I am just floating through peoples lives.
Forgetable.
Erasable.
This all just feels like a bad joke.
And I did this to myself.
In my past I always said in your final moments you are the only one that you have.
You are the one who decides what you wear, or say or do.
So no one can hold a candle over you for that.
But now I am starting to see it.
As the empy void fills my chest.
We are all alone but we all can have someone.
I mean I don't, I am not that lucky.
And I really just feel like because of all of that I don't deserve anyone.
I deserve to be alone during all of this.
But I don't want to be alone anymore. I want someone to roll over to in the middle of the night for cuddles. I want someone to cook with and for, someone to laugh at all the stupid shit, someone to cry with me for all the sad shit, someone to cuddle Everett because he is just too needy sometimes.
But instead I have me and Everett and everyone telling me that I am selfish for wanting to go on a quarantine walk with someone else because the human connection is slowly fading from my life and I am becoming more content with being alone.
And that is fucking scary.
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