IAmAdrianna

And I have found an amazing human who is so much fun to be around. And i feel like i don't deserve it.  I feel like it's too good to be true. But i don't want it to be.

When my ex and I were together about 3 years in I was miserable. I was unsatisfied and felt unloved and unwanted. I mentioned we should go on a break and if we need to see other people. (He had already been flirting with a girl from high school on facebook at the time) I slept with someone else. And he lost his shit. After that i shut down. No sex. No how. And time we had sex it was because afraid to lose him. It wasnt often but when it was i never wanted to. He talked to 2 separate girls on hopes of getting them interested while with me. He used to ritualistically initiate sex every Sunday.  Th day that he and his new fling admitted their love for each other after i just bought her ice cream and tried to start hanging out with her he initiated a blow job. And i am fucking disgusted knowing he was thinking of her. He claimed we never spoke about anything.  All i did was try to get him to talk. I have been playing  a scene over and over and over in my head for fucking days...

In 2020 Black and Brown siblings are getting murdered in the streets. Still. Because of their skin color. Because as a country we are built on pillaging and stealing and trying to own everything that isn't ours.  People are brought up with no other knowledge and that is fucking sad. I want to go to the protest but if shit gets real I am screwed. I don't live in the city it's not like I can just bike there.  I don't want to get sick or get anyone else sick. But if I don't I'm a racist because I can only do so much from my home.  I wish I could donate all of my unemployment to anywhere that needs it. And I guess I am selfish because I need to pay my rent. I feel so fucking bad because I want to be there to support more. And my brain cannot fathom how we have gotten to this point. Black lives matter. I'm not the one getting murdered for going to the gas station, or jogging. I'm not the one who was sleeping in bed when I was killed. I'm not George Floyd ...