IAmAdrianna

I have never felt so seen. But what tf would people use? Saying my long ass dumb ass name is too much. And "they" feels like a settlement. And anything else seems too complicated. 

Going to find an apartment. Rent is insane. What single person could afford $1,200 a month. Even when I had an "adult job". That is impossible.  I feel like I'm trapped in this shit hole of bad memories and high heating bill.

It's been 6 months and he has spent 3-5 days here since July. He makes the best roommate because he is so considerate and helpful when I fall behind.  He drives if I can't, and always makes sure if I am uncomfortable he takes over.  It's okay for us to just hold each other in silence, just because. After camping, setting up a tent and the bed, I can honestly say I feel like I am dreaming because it was all so painless. I would be lying if I said I want to stay here alone for a few days to wait for him to come back every week. I can only imagine what it would be like to just live together and no matter what, come home to each other. I am just so at ease. Hell he even spoke up to my father. Not like super crazy because that dude isn't worth it. But enough that I was not used to it. He fits into my life like a key or a puzzle piece. Something that I needed for so long.  I tell him I couldn't sleep and he squeezes me tighter and just brainstorms ways to help.  I am so l...

 That I wasn't a vampire and could be photographed. 

 I just want to cry. 

That come out trans, The more distanced I feel from gender. I have never felt like a girl.  Or a boy. I played with cars and bikes with my cousins and Barbies with my sister. As a teenager I got so angry when people would mistake me for a male. But then at the same I would get hit on and treated differently because I am whatever this "female" thing that I have just been riding in my whole life.  I don't want to be either. I don't feel like pronouns suit me. Hell, I can't get people to spell/say my name correctly. I just want to be Adrianna.