Trying.

I bought a drawing tablet...
I shouldn't have.
But I had to withdraw my 401k, lose it or transfer it for it to just sit there. 
So I took it out and paid off my car loan.
I email the bank to ask them if they mail my title.
They say yes it should arrive in a few weeks.
I get in my car, the check engine light is on. 
A week after the payment clears, my car begins to not start again. 
In the rain, in the dark, on the busy street, it doesn't matter. 

And paid a huge chunk of my credit card bill.

So like....Not like I wasn't an adult.
I thought that maybe I could get into digital art.
And all it has done is made me angry.
Angry that the simple things that I want to exist, unless I pay a lot of money without trying it.

Maybe that means the things I need are just too much and I am trying to make it too easy for myself.
But I just want to make cool things that people like.
Or be able to sell things and make money off of coolthings I make.
Instead, I suck at everything and my existence feels worthless.