IAmAdrianna

Were spent being called stupid, hating myself, having an eating disorder, doing everyone's laundry and dishes, being ignored, working and taking care of a child.  I had like 3 friends whoI couldn't hang out so I was always just the extra. The first boyfriend lived in a different city and I never saw him and was only allowed to talk to him for one hour a day. I wasn't allowed to hug or kiss him. My next boyfriends weren't serious or long enough to really sneak over more than once or twice. And then another whom I would have stay over so I wouldn't be alone with my brother while my mom would sleep out.  I was allowed to sleep out ONE time. I couldn't have friends over without a song and dance. I would hear my dad call me stupid, pathetic, worthless, mistake ect from the room across the hall from my room.  And my mother sat complacent, in agreement. The ONE TIME she  grabbed my arm and I threw her off me she threatedend to call the police. I had to keep my brother ...

Step forward it feels like I end up taking 100 back. Why bother.

I am beat. I don't sleep. All I do is eat or worry about eating. And cry. I cry a lot.

Is more painful than anything I could imagine. All of my other pains & issues just go away.. Because allI have is this pain in my stiff jaw. Sleeping is already something I struggle with, eating too.  Now I don't want to do anything. I am just so tired.

Tell me my "intrusive thoughts are what are making me feel this way" spare me the bull... If thinking positively made anything better maybe I would fall for it. I saged myself & thought positively for days & guess who STILL doesn't have their car... Guess who still has to deal with this stupid ass second job. Who is going to have to find another second job that will work with finding out when the family may need me last minute. I'm tired. I don't sleep more than 3 hours a night. I am hungry but have no appetite. I want to own a house or a better car.  I am so tired.