What the F.

I don't get it.
I don't get people. 
I don't get the games that people play. 
I don't understand why everyone loves and hates me so much.

The extremes are EXTREME.
People claim that they care.
But no one asks me what is wrong when something is actually wrong.
And if I just chose to be silent then SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG and everyone hops on my dick.
I cannot win. 
I do not want to sit there and fake it to someone for friendship.
So far in life I have never been THE FRIEND because I either wasn't allowed to go out and do anything and couldn't sneak out.
Too poor.

Work to much.
"Oh well I just thought" did you?

Nah don't give me that. 

If you were that oblivious then you wouldn't have a fan club.
I am so sick of being blamed to talking and saying things when I don't do it because I want to, I do it  beccause it is asked of me. 
So don't ask for my opinion and then proceed to pick on me and tell me I am wrong. 
I never have had to set boundaries because my boundaries are common sense and part of my personality. 

And then when I do, I am met with a "Cool, thanks for doing that but I can't allow myself as a person to follow them". 
So you do not respect me enough to allow me to speak my peace. 
Cool.
I was worried about making someone else cry because that is all I do. 
And I feel like I was the only one balling my eyes out. 
I am sick of being told It'S mY fAuLt I aM mIsErAbLe.

Okay so the loud music, my fault?
Person running their engine for 3 hours, my fault?
Living in a shit hole because rent is bullshit, my fault?

FUCK THAT.
When you have to struggle to pay your rent and bills alone, and you have to constantly fight with yourself and make dumb plans so you get even a drop of seratonin to survive: THEN FUCKING COME AT ME.
I was born poor. 
We had a blackbox and my room wasn't filled with toys.

Sure I had some cool stuff that always magically broke after I would come home from being gone all day. 

But I didn't have much. 
And when my brother was born?
Try not being able to afford school lunch but making too much to get help.

And when I got my own job my dad started to drink all my money away. Esssentally taking rent from me at 16. 

And that job stole so much money from me too.
All I have done is worked my ass off and have nothing to show for it. 
Now I am just so bitter and depressed to really care. 
I don't want a fancy Chanel bag. 
I don't want a 14k gold wrist watch covered in diamonds.

I want a warm and safe roof over my head with my pet/ future pets comfortable and protected. 

I want a garden . 

And somwhere to call my own. 

2021 can eat a dick.