IAmAdrianna

So alone. Tired. But can't sleep. Don't need someone to talk to. I feel like I need to be unborn. I don't want to keep going through this every couple years. I clearly am never escaping this loop. And clearly no one is really going to ever treat or diagnose my problems so I can fix them. I really. Really. Really do not want to be here anymore 

It is simply amazing that since September of 2019 (tbh July was the start) my life has been a fucking whilrwind.  With the horrible things came some good things, and also some blessings in disguise.  8.5 years of my life, down toilet. Countless doctors, therapists all told me the same thing. Maybe I truly wasn't ready, but none of them wanted to tell me what I really needed to hear.  I guess at least I missed out on being apart of one of the most exausting families to exsit in. Full of addiction and just absolutley heartless people.  And at least I am a nanny and not squeezing out a kid with a sociopath.  At least I own up to having issues, I just cannot find anyone to listen and help take me seriously. Being a nanny is great and pretty fullfilling, more so during the warmer months but still.  But I can't do this forever.  And I feel like I can't get a job because every job I have ever had has made me wish I was dead.  And I cannot keep killing my...