It is simply amazing that since September of 2019 (tbh July was the start) my life has been a fucking whilrwind.
With the horrible things came some good things, and also some blessings in disguise.
8.5 years of my life, down toilet. Countless doctors, therapists all told me the same thing. Maybe I truly wasn't ready, but none of them wanted to tell me what I really needed to hear.
I guess at least I missed out on being apart of one of the most exausting families to exsit in. Full of addiction and just absolutley heartless people.
And at least I am a nanny and not squeezing out a kid with a sociopath.
At least I own up to having issues, I just cannot find anyone to listen and help take me seriously.
Being a nanny is great and pretty fullfilling, more so during the warmer months but still.
8.5 years of my life, down toilet. Countless doctors, therapists all told me the same thing. Maybe I truly wasn't ready, but none of them wanted to tell me what I really needed to hear.
I guess at least I missed out on being apart of one of the most exausting families to exsit in. Full of addiction and just absolutley heartless people.
And at least I am a nanny and not squeezing out a kid with a sociopath.
At least I own up to having issues, I just cannot find anyone to listen and help take me seriously.
Being a nanny is great and pretty fullfilling, more so during the warmer months but still.
But I can't do this forever.
And I feel like I can't get a job because every job I have ever had has made me wish I was dead.
And I cannot keep killing myself at a job to come home to only sleep.
But I also need money and living alone isn't very financially smart, but it is all I can do.
And I feel like I can't get a job because every job I have ever had has made me wish I was dead.
And I cannot keep killing myself at a job to come home to only sleep.
But I also need money and living alone isn't very financially smart, but it is all I can do.
I thought I deserved safety and happiness, but now I am not so sure.
I feel like I am running on a fucking hamster wheel and no matter how fast I run I am still running in place.
I am stilll making no progess in my life.
The only progress is fixing years of dental neglect.
But no doctor to help me, no psych to help me.
I am fucking stuck.
What the fuck did I do to deserve this and how the fuck can I get out....
I feel like I am running on a fucking hamster wheel and no matter how fast I run I am still running in place.
I am stilll making no progess in my life.
The only progress is fixing years of dental neglect.
But no doctor to help me, no psych to help me.
I am fucking stuck.
What the fuck did I do to deserve this and how the fuck can I get out....
I just want to feel safe, secure and happy. I don't want to have to keep worrying about bills, or working, or balancing a life with a job that takes over my life (with no real feeling of acomplishment). I just want this whirlwind to stop.
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