IAmAdrianna

I wish I had enough money to just pay things off so I  can do things. I want to be able to help my friends, I want to be able to help my family. I'm going no where for my birthday because I bought a mattress a few months ago. And because I bought an Xbox on my credit card so all overages and charges have increased over time and I feel like I'm never going to catch up. This day has just sucked. Everything is bad and I can't stop feeling bad. Typically I wouldn't say this but it is time to face the facts  that I am broken. My head is broken and I really don't deserve to live because I'm to lazy to face it. I don't have enough in me...

Want to die, but also fight to live....

I stayed home. I walked for coffee and went for lunch with my Grammie. I took out the bong, cleaned it up nice, watched Spiderman Homecoming and played Fallout. I went to the mall to get the walflower plug ins and Umi.  Over all not a bad day. I feel fairly rested even though my body still aches from the past few months. But I still feel unfulfilled. Like I want to be gone forever. I know I don't like my job, and I know I hate the way I'm treated but I feel so broken. I feel like there has to be something super wrong with me because I don't even want to reach out for help. I don't want to call a physician or a therapist I would rather just deal with it until shit gets real again. over a week ago, 2 weeks Saturday all my costumes went missing and I had to rush around to find replacements. I was angry and punched my kitchen table flat fisted and hurt my knuckle bad and it still hurts in yet I feel the need to stay stagnant because I don't want to keep opening up to...

Was hit twice by her (ex) Boyfriend. What a fucking coward. I was a stand in therapist for him when he was struggling. He broke her in half. He broke her trust and everyone else's. I tried so hard to help them. I should have know. God damn I should have known. I could have prevented this. I could have let her break up with him after he broke her trust. I didn't think it was a HUGE deal because I'm that kind of understanding person. We tried to fix someone that wasn't broke. They were DESTROYED. Being broken means it can be fixed. The only way people like that can be fixed well, use your imagination. But I get to see him today. I feel like I am VIBRATING with energy. I feel like I have butterflies, like you get when you are driving to the theme park or the water park. Like when you are both excited and nervous. Because part of me wants to ask him why.  The other half of me knows he will laugh or lie. And will want to punch him in the mouth.