IAmAdrianna

I am just sitting here ruminating. I am just sitting here turning into a block of ice. That will proceed to melt into a puddle at some point today. It's only 7:50 and I already wish I was dead and anywhere else but here. We aren't getting that apartment. We aren't going to find a good one for a good price. I can't find anything period. I'm not getting rid of Nat. I'm just don't even want to look anymore. I feel like I just keep failing. And then now I'm getting offered a new role I have to apply for. FUCK. I DON'T WANT TO DO ANY OF THIS

Taking my meds or going to see any one. I will admit, not my best choice. At least the meds were keeping me from crying every 2 seconds. Now we are back to that.  They also made me a little less angry all the time. Like this morning where I ripped the boy a new asshole because I suggested we swap cars and take each- others car but then in the morning it sounded like a much better idea apparently. I don't even feel bad because that is my life. *Presents Idea* "HERE ARE 50,000,000,000 reasons why I won't, why this won't work, why it's not working." 1 Day Later... "HEY GUYS I HAVE THIS IDEA" Bravo, everyone is happy you stole an idea and you get all the praise while I sit here and just go fuck myself.  I just need to make time to go to the doctors again. And maybe find a new Psychiatrist because things are just not great. And I'm sick of just being cast aside always. Why is the universe always fucking fighting against me. Like the apartme...

Going to look at another apartment today. Even though I still don't have a car, my $175 rim looks like a used piece of shit. So that is cool... I don't want to do anything. I just want to sleep for a week and never wake up.