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Showing posts from November, 2019

When you knew the train was running out of steam.

When you knew there was not steam left. Choo Choo. Regrets? Or being lost and scared. I guess I learned a lot from being kicked down in the dirt. Maybe I'm too cold. But for the last time. I deserve so much more than this. And I have spent so god damn long trying to convince myself other wise. And it is so hard because I feel like every day is such a challenge. The universe is testing me, "Are you sure you still want to live bitch?" And the answer is yes. I spent so long planning and dreaming of a life that was never real. Just like all  the weird dreams I have, just more false memories. But now it is time to make new ones. Oh man do I want to live. And I really want to live. I don't want to hide or beg or feel like I don't deserve anything. I have been resilient so far. My struggle is people. People are too much or too little. I spent so much time with one person who had little to no energy. As someone who attracts energy and people it is just something ...

Winter

As soon as the temperature drops below 55° it's Winter to me. My hands, feet and nose are just always frozen. Frost on my windshield. Having to wear a million layers... I just want to be warm all the time. Or at least a little warmer than this.

It's like...

Watching a car you know that is driving too recklessly hit the median. Or the car speeding getting pulled over. Watching a kid be obnoxious and then getting injured from falling or something. When the impatient person cuts in front of you in the grocery store and you make it out before them. You just can't stop laughing or smiling seeing people get what they deserve. Lately I'm not so sure how sure I am about somethings... But I know for sure more than anything, I am getting what I deserve. It may be temporary. But damn it I hope it isn't. When things go so unexpectedly, when something that you didn't think was going to happen just makes things so different. When you are going in with low expectations and not only do they blow your previous expectations out of the water but it just feels so natural it's almost scary. Life is so short and I have spent far too long being sad girl ™. I spent so long being suppressed me, and panicking I was never enough. For a hungry...