I get nervous. I get scared. I get jealous. I try so fucking hard to not let it get to me but it fucking eats away at me like termites. I know it's so early. I know it hasn't been long. But I am so conditioned to having the phone be hidden. I'm so used to someone just playing me without me even knowing. I'm so used to someone trying to fill the void that I leave when I have a break down. I try to not push him away. But it's so hard when my brain just says he is lying. I am not lucky. And he is gonna leave you in the dust just like everyone else has because if they don't deserve it why should I? It's so hard when I constantly see the messenger bubble up, and I know that no one even wants to talk to me anymore. I am pretty unbearable. And then I think why would anyone wanna sit here and deal with this shit. Why would anyone want to deal with someone who cried because he wouldn't pick toppings for food. And I get so scared because why wouldn't he do ...