IAmAdrianna

change completely when they have a child. Find the will to live, be a good parent, ect ect. Why is it that when people find the will to live because of love for a partnership it's bad and dangerous but for a child is acceptable.             When whatever fate led you here, there are ways to not become pregnant and other ways to avoid that. But love just happens.  And even if it gives you the will to wash dishes, cook meals and brush your teeth, I see nothing wrong with that.

With my newly cracked tooth as well as my first cracked tooth, I give up. I found out I am no longer eligible for state health so I guess I have nothing.  No health insurance.  I guess when you want to try to live the universe has other plans.

 I'm just fucking so miserable. I am finding it so off and on again.  I just feel so alone but so busy and overwhelmed at the same time. Everything feels so unstable and so unsafe. I am becoming even more paranoid it is getting bad. I feel like I am just trapped in a loop of being everyones bitch and I can't get out of it. I am do tired.  At this rate I am having trouble seeing a point.

I wish I could pull a disappearing act. Just long enough for people to forget about me. I'm sick of never asking anyone for anything.  And when I do, I end up having to wait forever or I get forgotten about, and then remembered when it's too late. I have no motivation because my life is a shit loop. I have a nannying job that is inconsistent as all hell so I wouldn't even call it that.  I can barely pay rent. And I hate it here.  It's cold, the water from upstairs drips on my window driving me crazy, they are loud, the bathroom is a shit show and I have to open the window in the mf winter to let the steam out, and this area is such garbage. Stolen packages, nail in my tire ect.  The walls ache with sadness. And they remind me that a year later, no roommate.  Just Everett and I.  Still can hardly pay bills.  Fatter, again.  And the one person that brings me true joy and bliss has his own job and life, so I have to leave that for a few days. All peo...